May 10, 2011

I demand more Zombies

I demand more zombies, they are really the most awesome things in the world, except if they bite your hand or devour you’re already removed by force kidneys. I would love for more zombie movies to come out because they are what I like in a movie, no romance, a bit of comic relief and a lot of violence (no pain, no gain). But you know what would really be the bomb, if there was an outbreak like in the films, it would be chaos and shit everywhere. What was once your workplace is now turned into an undead birth chamber and your house a zombie fuck fest.

These things would roam the streets prowling like tigers for blood and guts, no one would be safe. Except the brave few that were prepared (see Bangers and Nash site for hints on how to prepare), family and friends would be tossed away like smelly ham in the fridge if they were infected with the deadly virus.

I say screw 2012, I don’t want earthquakes, floods, comets and deadly UV rays. Zombies are where the shit is at, mainly because the government will fall to pieces within minutes and blame it on hate speech. Imagine the awesomeness in this people: no work except if you scavenge for something edible to eat, no lousy friends because they are dead or being eaten at this very moment, roads will probably be the same because there will still be potholes everywhere, no irritating little kids although they will probably more interested in your Mcbrain than that 4 week old chocolate in your back pocket and lastly no taxis, that would make it worthwhile for me :).

A lot of people will probably get fit and in the same breath eaten while they are running away, but not me because I already got my eyes on the people’s Hummer down the road. When the shit hits the fan, I will steal that thing without a second thought in my mind. Drive down to any ammo store (which I don’t really know where one is at the moment) and go to Builders Warehouse to pick up a few necessary weapons like an axe, chainsaw, baseball bat, any cool power tool, samurai sword and a crossbow.

Also a worthwhile idea is to have a mean ass dog or just a smart one (think I am Legend) to keep you company when everyone around you has turned into a flesh eating undead creature.

 It is near readers; don’t delay in preparing yourself for the ultimate test of survival, its going to be a lot like Survivor and Idols mixed. If you make it through you will definitely not be winning a fuck load of money and certainly not a record deal because there will be nothing, it will be up to the survivors to rebuild the empire and bring peace to the anarchy that was once called home….actually it wont be anything like the two TV shows mentioned above. What the hell was I thinking?

And one more thing people if it hits; if it is dark, smelling like rotten flesh and you are thinking that there are shadows around you creeping closer. Give up because you are in plain words, already FUCKED!

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