How to get fired on your own terms

* Please don’t follow these steps if you like your job and making a killing, I will not be held responsible for any costs that could occur or maintenance of your kids.

Some of us had those where you hate your job so much and just want to take a crap on your boss’s desk (don’t do that, you will get arrested for public indecency)

How to survive the winter my way:

It is cold and everyone is complaining on how shit the weather is, and there is no getting away from it unless you move to some desert African country for the next few months which I don’t recommend unless you like hunting for your food.

Being a BUM, and rocking at the same time

They are everywhere at the moment, street corners, malls and even the curb outside your house. You won't easily get rib of them except if you throw them with money or an object that looks like a R5, think large bottle caps: works like a charm. 

But I am not going to bitch and moan about it, because we do that everyday. Don't tell me you have never swatted or chased them away like they have been infected with the black plague. I do it, your mom does it even your grandpa in his Datsun bakkie is guilty of it.

I was ALMOST a victim of South African Crime, prevention is the key.

This is based on actual events that happened yesterday.

It was a mighty fine Sunday afternoon, so I decided to treat my girl for a day at the Zoo. We were driving to our destination and approximately 5minutes from it, I ended a call from my cell phone and all of a sudden there were two black hands on it from outside the window....

Some of you might have been in a similar situation as mine or will be someday, it is inevitable for us living in a country like South Africa. I am not always this negative about it but fuck that, I am fed up with this shit! But there are proper ways to prevent stuff like this from happening:

Recollections of a former 22 year old’s night:

I am writing this now because if I had to yesterday, my keyword would have been covered in Olmega and brandy.

As some of you know I had my party on Tuesday the 17^th of May, and how epic was it. I can still feel the alcohol flowing through my veins as I am typing this. Back to the start, where it all began. My dearest mom took me out for Sushi and beer in the morning, that was the first of many alcoholic refreshments to come.

Welcome to FAIL Tuesday

This day every week shall be known forth as Fail Tuesday, where I will be putting on the best fail pictures and videos. It will not be themed like Babe Friday but I will rather be spoiling your eye balls with the best fails you have ever seen. It will be anything ranging from idiotic people to camels doing what we all love others to do….FAIL!

I demand more Zombies

I demand more zombies, they are really the most awesome things in the world, except if they bite your hand or devour you’re already removed by force kidneys. I would love for more zombie movies to come out because they are what I like in a movie, no romance, a bit of comic relief and a lot of violence (no pain, no gain). But you know what would really be the bomb, if there was an outbreak like in the films, it would be chaos and shit everywhere. What was once your workplace is now turned into an undead birth chamber and your house a zombie fuck fest.

The big C word, you knew it was coming

Lying deceiving and being cunning that is how people describe others that are being dishonest towards them. I'm talking about the big C, if you don't know what I am talking about, it's the C in the big R....Its cheating in a relationship. It has affected some of us, more so than others.

You know the feeling that you get when you find out, anger, pain, agony and just the moment when you just want to punch the shit out of something. Let's face it, it fucking sucks to be cheated on, but the worst has got to be cheated on, I mean really, you waking up with them screwing on you (that would be really weird and awkward for me personally).  I have experienced it both ways, and not one of them came out right, utterly kak. I promise you, nothing good comes of it. 

Have you ever felt the same as everyone else?

I know the feeling, it feels like you are not different to anyone else. It feels like you a direct copy of the person next to you in a routine that continues everyday exactly the same. It’s a little bit true because how can there not be a person in the world that is not thinking about the same stuff as you and also doing a kak job like you. Good news is that there is absolutely no one that looks like you, maybe a close resemblance, but I bet you that he doesn’t have that big zit on his forehead that makes you look like you are from India or that birth mark that some people still mistake as crap on your leg.

But my point is, be glad you are from a country where everyone (I mean male and female) does not look almost the same like these poor folks.

Bush VS Obama

So this Osama Bin Laden thing is actually quite huge because overseas news people are still going on about the story, if he is really dead and why is he dumped in the ocean. People are so damn skeptic about certain things which really is not the point of this whole post, the point I want to make is about Bush. No not that Bush (get your mind out of the gutter), I am talking about Meneer George W. Bush. He basically started this whole war on terror; Obama just took over where he left off. So just to pay tribute to the man that was the previous president of the US and A. I have put in this awesome clip showing his brilliance and knowledge of the world.

I was lost

Getting lost sucks, we all done it countless times and still keep on doing it and probably will keep on doing it till the day we die. Some people are so “rigting befok” they will probably miss the bright white light when they die and end up in Baberton's butchery. I got lost this weekend on the way to a little kid’s party and holy shit, were we lost. We were at that point where shouting and swearing in your mind was a thing of the past, we were at the moment where you just think to yourself  “Fuck me”, and to top it all off, we drove past the house twice. And the best part was yet to come, it was a pirate party so of course there were decorations on the gate, how we missed it twice is beyond me.

Been sick, done that, on a long weekend

I love public holidays, just for the fact that I can be extremely lazy and not do anything productive at all. This year was different though, I was sick so that meant no going out, no partying and no being out of bed for more than 30 minutes. It was dreadful to say the least, and what was usually sunshine around me was reduced to rain and medicine. I know a lot of people had the flu this past couple of days, making their houses look more like the zombie apocalypse hit than anything else. But like life, when there is a shitty situation there has to be a bit of good somewhere. Mine was not something, rather someone, I had a nurse to help me through my sickness (see article on why being single sucks, one of the perks of being in a relationship), yes I was nursed back to health by my girlfriend. The only thing that could of made it better would have been a skimpy hot nurse outfit to accompany her but alas it was not, but all the love and caring definitely helped me to get better soon and back on my feet.

I want Speedboat

I was a good boy so far this year so hopefully Santa will bring me this for Christmas, screw the Playstation and samurai swords. Real manliness is in speedboats that can move at the speed of sound and make impossible turns at high speeds. My first words after the video started was, how the fuck is this guy doing it and how fun would it be to navigate this baby? 

Why Ed is there no posts this week?

As most of you probably have noticed there has not been a update or a post since Friday last week, the plain simple reason is that I am not feeling all that good. I have come down with the evil flu, and have not been at my best for the past week. But don't fear, I will be trying to get a few posts in on the weekend. So keep your eyes peeled and remember to go crazy this weekend, because the only drinking I will do is Vitamin C and Cough Syrup.

Why being single is not all that great

Being single is really not all that awesome like some people make it out to be, you do sometimes have that freedom that whipped guys dream about. I have been there and done that, but when you in a good relationship those things don’t affect you like when you in a bad relationshit.

Everyone has had their fair share in horrible partners, the one’s where you say to yourself afterwards, what the hell was going through my mind?! The one where you were never good enough for them but when you leave them, they say you are the best thing that he/she will lose.

Dance, Friend or Foe Part 2

To continue my dancing debate of yesterday's post, I did not say all I wanted to. Another factor that makes everyone think they can dance like champions has to be alcohol. It makes you win or lose, but mostly lose very badly.

Dance, Friend or Foe

Its Friday afternoon, you get to your house or flat! Kick off your work shoes, get your party boots and throw that tie as far as you can, put on some good music and get a ice cold beer out of the fridge. You call your “pelle” and tune them what the plans are for tonight, basically it would include a whole lot of partying and the occasional stop at BP for “padkos”.

You get to the bar which is usually packed with a lot of similar minded people like you, just wanting a few drinks, shots and good times, but wait, there is no one here at all. The bar looks deserted and drinks aren’t flowing the way they did last weekend. Did you miss something, is Fokofpolisiekar playing nearby or didn’t you get an invite to the biggest party ever?!

After a while of trying to make this funeral work, some bright spark gets the idea of going to a club….

The Beach Life

Just looking at these mindblowing pics makes me wonder why I never considered moving to the coast. 

The people there are so chilaxed and never in a rush, but here in Snor city everything is so damn busy, even the drinking spots are crazy here, Hatfield is always packed (not that I am against it) and there is always such long lines to every flippen bar. Have you noticed how long you spend going to the bar and getting drinks than actually partying, I bet doing your rounds takes a lot more time.

Being creative helps

Some people are just more creative than others in certain situations. Take this guy for example, he is homeless and poor but fuck he is smart for creating that sign.

Regarding this particular subject, I absolutely despise these people begging next to the road and I know I am not alone in this.

It is always the same old story with these people : wife left me, 16 kids and a budgie to feed, blah blah blah. I have seen  a guy standing at a certain Spar for the past 4 or so years selling koeksisters with a sign that reads “Het alles verloor in ‘n brand , geen ander inkomste nie”. Not to be rude but if you have lost everything in a fire a few years ago, you should probably stop making koeksisters (by the way, where does he make them if he has nothing?) and search for a job.

Another fine example is on the way to Sun City, there are people from the township standing next to the road in cricket pads and a sign stating “saving money for our cricket tour”. They have been begging since I was in pre school…..where the hell are they saving to go? Fucken Hawai or Switzerland?!

Back to the picture, I will give this man money. Not because he is suffering , but he made me laugh and not  making me feel quilty.

Macbeth Footwear

One of the best ads there is at moment, it is not that old or anything but it is damn good.

What do you want more in a clip like this, you got the best finishing line, awesome shoes and a  hot girl.